Monthly Archives: January 2019

ūü鼂ôę‚ô™ – Po√®me de l’amour et de la mer by Ernest Chausson

List Item: Listen to half of the 1001 Classical Works You Must Hear Before You Die
¬†41/501Title:¬†Po√®me de l’amour et de la mer
Composer: Ernest Chausson
Nationality: French

In between discovering a new K-Pop group thanks to the show I am currently watching for the 1001 TV shows and listening to one of my favourite U.S. Girls tracks on repeat (it’s called ‘Sed Knife’ and it is fantastic), I managed to find time to try out the classical piece that is the subject of today’s post.

This classical music list has provided many a good piece of working music, so the hope was that Po√©me de l’amour et de la mer might be another set of pieces to add to the growing library. I picked this piece pretty much at random, thinking that the name alone sounded intriguing and it would be good to listen to another entry on this list whose composer was completely unknown to me.

The piece itself is split into three parts: the first and final sections are sung poems (originally composed by a friend of the composer) that have been put to music. The middle, and far shorter, part acts an an instrumental interval to separate the two longer parts of this song cycle.

One of the likely reasons for this pieces inclusion on this list will be the premature death of composer Ernest Chausson – who died just as he was starting to get noticed. So, with this piece (and the other of his on the list), there is the whole ‘what if’ hanging over it – that this is a hint of what there could have been to come.

Honestly, these types of song cycles aren’t typically my cup of tea with the first song poem ‘The Flower of the Waters’ dragging on a bit. The second poem (‘The Death of Love’) is far more emotionally effecting and, despite being the longer of the pieces, finds enough nuance to play with that makes it pass at a far quicker pace.

I know that this piece has been arranged by different orchestras so that it can be sung by either gender, which makes me wonder what this would have been like with a soprano instead of the tenor version that I heard.

One of the interesting things about this list though; in essence every recording is like a cover of the original written version. For the older pieces, it is unlikely that I’ll ever hear exactly what the composer intended or something that’s identical to how it was originally rehearsed/performed.


World Cooking – Georgia

List Item: Cook something from every countryCountry: Georgia
Progress: 15/193

Is Georgia European or Asian? The answer really does change depending on your definitions. However, due to their member ship in the EBU and UEFA, it’s pretty clear where this country sees themselves as a nation – so I’m going to respect that.

Due to their position in the Caucasus, Georgia has long been a crossroads of where Europe, Asia and the Middle East all met up. Culturally they have taken on so many influences, which makes them a country that I am really itching to visit. They have been in the interesting position of being ruled over by Russia, Persia, the Ottomans, the Romans and the Mongols – with additional influence being felt by the Ancient Greeks.

With all these different hands on your nation at various points, you are going to have a culture and a cuisine that takes on a lot of different elements. This made selecting a specific dish rather difficult for the main, but then I fell in love with their national dish.

Main: Khachapuri

The epic¬†chivito sandwich from Uruguay¬†was always going to be a tough act to follow. However, when your national dish can be summed up in English as a ‘cheese bread boat’ then I have no choice but to make it. Especially as there was an awesome (and easy looking) recipe for a type of khachapuri in the same Samarkand cookbook¬†that I used for my lovely Russian¬†kulebiaka.

There are so many different regional variants of this dish, mine being an Adjarian khachapuri because of how I tried to twist the pastry into a boat shape and served it with a bit of butter on top. On the whole, there are two things in common – cheese and bread. With the open types of khachapuri you have the leavened dough on the outside with a cooked cheesey centre. You’re meant to tear off the pastry and dip it in the cheese, but I just enjoyed eating it when cut into slices.

What I loved the most about this dish is just how versatile this could be. I already have an idea about doing a Tex-Mex-Georgia fusion by creating a nacho khachapuri containing queso and a dough that a mix of wheat flour and cornmeal. Might be a fun little project.

Dessert: Gozinaki

Dessert! Caramelising nuts in honey and turning them into blocks whilst following this recipe from, feels like a home run for something that doesn’t require a lot of time in the kitchen. Apart from the half hour it takes to peel a bunch of toasted hazelnuts and walnuts.

Hands up, I made this on a day where the flat was over 30 degrees and did not chop the nuts fine enough. This meant that everything didn’t quite set as it was meant to do. But once I transferred it to the fridge I was able to make something more sliceable and less… gooey. Still tasted good when eaten with a spoon.

I think that this might be a good recipe to keep in the back pocket for Christmas time (i.e. when this is meant to be eaten, rather than in the height of summer) when there is that stereotypical pile of nuts left over that no one really wanted, but we still bought them anyway. It’d also be a nice thing to have a real mix of nuts in (not cashews though, those are good enough on their own).

Right, it’s time for me to make something from the most difficult of all continents: Oceania. As I cannot dig a fire pit or find a place to source a whole bunch of taro, I may need to really cherry pick some recipes here as I don’t want to take the easy way out by picking Australia. Got any ideas? Anyone???

Acclaimed Albums ‚Äď Super Fly by Curtis Mayfield

List item: Listen to the 250 greatest albums
Progress: 165/250Title: Super Fly
Artist: Curtis Mayfield
Year: 1972
Position: #184

Well, I did say in my last post that I was eyeing¬†Super Fly¬†as my next album. The stars aligned a bit on this one as it kept me company in an empty office when I had to pop in a few hours on a Sunday morning to run a few statistics. This isn’t the type of music I usually listen to when running stats (at the moment the music has been a mix of Calexico, U.S. Girls and Cyndi Lauper).

However, the song ‘Super Fly’ really struck me yesterday, so I wanted to hear what the rest of the album was like. Firstly, I think that is definitely worth noting that this is definitely more Marvin Gaye and less Issac Hayes. It’s something that should have been super obvious if I had done even a cursory Google search – but sometimes it’s better to find these things out by yourself.

There are two main things that help this album to excel as a soundtrack and a soul album. The songs are able to tell good stories and the whole thing is incredibly socially conscious. Where Shaft was mostly escapism that ultimately proved damaging as it glorified violence ans drugs, Super Fly is incredibly critical of a Shaft-like lifestyle.

The titular song is an obvious highlight, but there’s more power elsewhere. ‘Pusherman’ draws parallels between drug dealers and the great evil tempters of the world (I see them as a mix of the snake in the Bible and the sirens from Homer’s¬†Odyssey) in a soulful and ultimately creepy way. ‘Freddie’s Dead’ is about a man dying after having to find means to pay for his addiction. Surrounding these are funky instrumentals and other songs that, whilst still good, are not as harrowing.

Now that I have finished listening to all the 1001 song entries from 1972, I am still in a position where I am behind on my albums. Hopefully I will have caught up by the time I finish the songs from 1973… but no promises there.

1001 Songs – 1972: Part Three

Most People I Know (Think That I’m Crazy) – Billy Thorpe & The Aztecs

When doing this list, which is very much focussed on what happens in Europe and the Americas, it is easy to forget about the music that was happening on the other side of the world. Makes it a nice change, therefore, that this final section of the 1972 songs begins with a song that is thought to be an exemplar of Australian rock.

It’s a song that feels very much like the result of the previous five years of music being filtered on it’s way around the world. There’s elements of The Rolling Stones, The Byrds and early Who that has been meshed together. Since I have never heard of this act before, it is really hard to judge how big they were. I mean, this is an act that was big enough in their native Australia to weather the storm of Beatlemania.

As a song it is nice enough. It feels like a bit of a throwback, but that’s not always a bad thing.

Taj Mahal – Jorge Ben

Something extremely different here from the shores of Brazil. My first instinct was to think of this as samba disco or funky samba (mainly because of that guitar in the background). It’s unlike anything that I have heard so far for this song list, and am unlikely to again. It was just so much fun to listen to!

What I have been really getting from listening to this list is just how influential Brazil was in this era of music. Once jazz and blues had become normalised and brought into the fold of the English-speaking world’s music it really is these Afro-South American genres of samba, tropicalia and bossa nova that ware the next big wave of influence. It’ll get drowned out by punk and metal, but this will still be playing in the background.

Walk on the Wild Side – Lou Reed

I’ve always enjoyed this song. It never ceases to amaze me just how a song about a transvestite hooker giving blow jobs got radio play in the US. I mean, sure, we have sexual songs now – but this is 1972. I guess that it helps that this song has the catchy ‘do-be-dop’ as the earworm, so people don’t realise what they’ve just been listening to. At least on the first listen.

It’s also interesting how this song was co-produced by a young David Bowie and each verse namechecks a different member of Andy Warhol’s collective. ‘Walk on the Wild Side’ is just this little piece of history that has so many layers to it that could take an entire book to explore.

Virginia Plain – Roxy Music

I guess it’s official, we’re entering the brief window of time where glam rock was a big genre. Honestly, this is going to be a bit of a push for me as the majority of glam rock doesn’t really excite me. Although, way back when, I did enjoy listening to Roxy Music’s second album For Your Pleasure as that was when Brian Eno took the reins and steered the band into a more art rock direction.

As for this song, I am glad that this did not make it onto the initial pressings of Roxy Music’s eponymous debut as I really did not like this. Something just felt off about it, which is rectified in their later work.

You’re So Vain РCarly Simon

Arguably one of the best mysteries in modern music history is the identity of the man who ‘You’re So Vain’ is aimed at. Then again, any man who thinks it could be about them just plays into the song’s conceit.

It’s a powerful piece of pop-rock that has become near immortal thanks to the fact that the identity of the man hasn’t been 100% divulged, just one of the three men who the song is about: actor-director Waren Beatty. For me this sounds like a rockier Carole King, which is never a bad thing. It makes me wonder what a Carly Simon album would be like, especially as she has influenced one of my favourite pop acts: Carly Rae Jepson.

Today I Started Loving You Again – Bettye Swann

Every now and then I do feel the need to scratch my head as to why a song has been included on the list. ‘Today I Started Loving You Again’ is one of those songs.

It’s interesting how this song started life as the work of outlaw country star Merle Haggard and has passed through so many hands that it has resulted in this big band RnB cover. Don’t get me wrong, this is a good song with Bettye Swann having a beautiful timbre to her voice – but it’s a throwback to the late sixties (when it was first recorded… and just wasn’t a hit until 1972). So, yes, why is this on here? Who knows, but who cares. At least it’s a good song.

Il mio canto libero – Lucio Battisti

At the start of this post we had a song that was deemed an Australian rock classic, now we have a song seen as an Italian pop classic. Maybe future iterations of this list will finally bite the bullet and start to include classic songs from Japan, Korea and China? I hope so, but that’s not what this song is about.

‘Il mio canto libero’ is an Italian pop-rock song about the freedom to love. The first 2 minutes are an excellent slow build into a big emotional chosut, but by the time you reach the four minute mark it starts to feel like the song has used up all it’s emotional cache and it becomes slightly overshadowed by it’s own bombast.

Superfly – Curtis Mayfield

Sadly the first thing I thought about when this song started was the Nelly and Christina Aguilera duet ‘Tilt Your Head Back’ (don’t judge, it’s a good song).

It is hard to hear ‘Superfly’ and not compare it to ‘Theme From Shaft’. After all these are both title tracks from blaxploitation films from the early 1970s that contain elements of funk and soul. For me ‘Superfly’ is a better song because it doesn’t feel indulgent, in fact it’s subversive because (as a song that plays over the credits of Superfly the movie) it actively criticises some of the things you just watched. All whilst being effortlessly cool.

Makes me think that Superfly should be my next album.

Crazy Horse – The Osmonds

How did a Mormon boyband end up making a great piece of hard rock like ‘Crazy Horses’? Thinking about everything I have been fed about the Osmond family and their incredibly wholesome image I cannot help but but applaud such a substantial change in direction that ended up with them playing concerts filled with Black Sabbath fans.

This is a song that helped to usher in harder rock and metal into the charts – and they did it with a song about gas-guzzling cars messing up the enviornment. Such a wholesome topic, which shows how you can never truly take the Mormonism out of the Osmonds. Also they were pretty much all in their mid to late teens by this point, so how metal could their lyrics be.

All the Young Dudes – Mott the Hoople

Okay, so maybe I over-generalised about glam rock. I really like this song, and have done since I first heard it on the Juno¬†soundtrack. I guess that it might be the David Bowie influence that makes ‘All the Young Dudes’ a noteworthy track.

I’m not sure why this works as well as it does. Maybe it’s the dark music and imagery? Maybe it’s because I’m still not entirely sure what is going on in the song? Maybe it’s the opening guitar and the closing repetition. Probably a bit of everything. It’s just a good glam rock song.

Progress: 374/1021

XL Popcorn – Zabriskie Point

List Item:¬†Watch all of the ‚Äú1001 Movies You Must See Before You Die‚ÄĚ
Progress: 696/1007Title: Zabriskie Point
Director: Michelangelo Antonioni
Year: 1970
Country: USA

Last week I proposed that I had a general problem with cop movies from the 1970s. This week I think I need to add another thing to the list of ‘types of films that just don’t click with me’ – counterculture films of the late 1960s-early 1970s. I guess it’s a mixture of two things:

  1. This is the point where a lot of American films are being made that incorporate elements of the French New Wave style
  2. Finding a lot of the members of this counter-culture generation (when depicted in film) to be rather vapid and/or pleased with themselves.

What also did not help is that I went into¬†Zabriskie Point¬†expecting something with a bit more bite. Something that, given the then contemporary arrest of Charles Manson and the immediate ramifications, would actually help to explore the darker and cult-like side of certain elements of this counter-culture. Nope, it’s a fairly silly film.

This is such a shame as I know what¬†Michelangelo Antonioni can do in his native Italy from films like¬†L’avventura.¬†The only thing that remains of these Italian works in¬†Zabriskie Point¬†is¬†Antonioni’s eye. Seriously, the cinematography in this film is outstanding and some set pieces (like the house explosion at the film’s conclusion) are really well done.

However, the script, acting and the overall plot just does not work. Everything feels so incredibly self-indulgent and ignorant that it is hard for me to find a way to relate to the major characters. Also, there is a subplot involving some desert land being sold for properties… but I don’t know what the point of it was. Then again, I’m not entire sure what the point of the whole film was.

What’s On TV – Whistle and I’ll Come To You

List Item:  Watch half of the 1001 TV Series You Must Watch Before You Die
Progress: 214/501
Title: Whistle and I’ll Come To You
Episodes Aired: 1
Year(s): 1968
Country: UK

Through following the¬†1001 TV Shows¬†list I have now watched a large number of the BBC’s¬†A Ghost Story for Christmas.¬†This has gone from the good (The Signalman) to the not-so-good (The Tractate Middoth) with a number of episodes in between. Today’s post, however, is not an official part of the¬†A Ghost Story for Christmas¬†series – it’s actually part of the long running¬†Omnibus¬†series. However, this can be seen as the precursor to that series.

Whistle and I’ll Come To You¬†is also one of the more lauded single-episode ghost stories to ever be created for the small screen – however I found myself profoundly unspooked. It’s not an age thing, as I have been creeped out by films created long before this was released. So what was it that stopped my blood running cold.

Let’s take the central premise – an eccentric intellectual goes on holiday, finds a steals a whistle from a graveyard and then, after blowing it, is seemingly visited by spirits. Some have argued that the intellectual has a mental condition instead – but let’s go with ghosts for now.

For me, not enough tension was ever created to make you feel that the man was in any real danger. The key scenes where we see the presence are clearly done with sheets on a string and Michael Hordern’s performance, whilst really good, feels too comedic for this world that they are trying to create.

However, the weird dreamlike world and weirdly humorous central character did have shades of¬†Twin Peaks¬†to it. It’s just that¬†Whistle and I’ll Come To You¬†didn’t have the time, inclination or previous cultural touchstones to create an atmosphere that we now identify as Lynchian. Still, it’s interesting to see how these things develop – plus it’s an interesting counterpoint to another show I’m currently watching for the 1001 list…

Good Eatin’ – Collioure Anchovy Bruschetta

List Item: Try three quarters of the 1001 Foods You Must Try Before You Die
Progress: 748/751Food item: Collioure Anchovy

This is the last of the foods from the French box – I’m sad¬†to see the back of the pile of ingredients as it really does mark the end of my last big push for the 1001 food list. I’ve left these for so long because I hadn’t been too sure of what to do with a jar of salted anchovies outside of making spaghetti puttanesca.

Then one day, thanks to the June-July heatwave, I figured that it would be a good idea to make bruschetta as a make-your-own dinner. The anchovies felt like the perfect choice of topping to go with the crushed tomatoes and garlicky bread… once they had been soaked (to get rid of a lot of the excess salt) and filleted.

This is the second of two varieties of anchovy on the list and yet they feel quite different. The other anchovy, the cantabrian boquerones, were slight with a melt-in-the-mouth quality to them. In comparison these Collioure anchovies are robust and incredibly meaty. Also, due to the preservation method, these French anchovies are saltier than their Spanish counterpart.

Due to this, these Collioure anchovies are much more suited to being used in things like bruschetta and pizza because they are strong enough to shine through other flavours. The cantabrian boquerones, in contrast, are ones I would definitely prefer to have on their own as tapas.

Let’s Get Literal – The Old Man and the Sea by Ernest Hemingway

List Item: Read 100 of the greatest works of fiction
Progress: 48/100Title: The Old Man and the Sea
Author: Ernest Hemingway
Year: 1952
Country: USA

It’s been so long since I was last able to finish a book in one day. In fact, I believe that book¬†was¬†Animal Farm¬†which I read some three and a half years ago. Considering how I have read most of the longest books on the list it was high time that I read¬†The Old Man and the Sea,¬†which is the second shortest entry.

Due to cultural osmosis and a wonderful short animated film, I knew this story quite well. This modern day Moby Dickesque parable is a classic man vs. nature story that packs a whole lot of symbolism and emotions into it’s 127 pages.

Usually I find books like this to be a bit twee, but there was something genuinely affecting in Hemingway’s storytelling. At times I did find myself switching allegiances between the old man and the marlin because, in the end, it’s life or death. I didn’t feel bad for the sharks though, until it turned into a shark massacre…then I felt slightly sorry for them (mainly because I would also be curious of how blue marlin tasted).

The idea of this old man wrestling with a massive fish for multiple days and being able to show so much respect towards his catch is enough to properly pull at your heartstrings, and yet the struggle itself makes for incredibly captivating reading. I mean this was a book where I was itching to get back to reading it once the work day was over… which is a rarity for me.

There are a number of other works by Ernest Hemingway on the list and, thanks to this, I find myself looking forward to seeing more of his works. That won’t be my next book though, I think I need to do one of the longer ones again to properly balance this out.

World Cooking – Uruguay

List Item: Cook something from every countryCountry: Uruguay
Progress: 14/193

Whenever I am in a new group of people and end up creating a pub quiz (which happens more often than you might think) one of the questions I always ask is: What is the capital city of Uruguay. Why? Well, I think that Montevideo is one of the most fun capital cities to say out loud and so I like to take any opportunity to say it… like with ‘bungalow’, which is one of my favourite words in the English language.

I figured that since my lost forays into the cuisine of the Americas were both Central American countries, it was time to either head east to the Caribbean or go South. Obviously I chose to go south, but not to Suriname (which my husband will be looking forward to). No, I got bewitched by the national dish of Uruguay and knew that I just had to make it.

Main: Chivito

One thing I really love about the chivito is the origin story. The idea that it came from a Uruguayan chef improvising a sandwich for an Argentine patron who asked for a kid goat meat sandwich (with ‘chivito’ meaning kid goat) and instead got steak just warms my heart. I mean, this is a dish invented to try and make something good for a citizen of a neighbouring country, which went on to become a national dish. It just encapsulates the idea of cuisine being something that we import and share between nations – even if the story sounds somewhat apocryphal.

The thing is, chivito is not just a steak sandwich. No, it is the ultimate steak sandwich that puts a typical club sandwich to shame. It is the physical embodiment of one of those towering sandwiches from old Scooby Doo cartoons, that invariably had a tooth-picked olive on top. When making this sandwich I went around a number of different websites to find the common ingredients to include in this piece of epicness.

Inside my chivito was (going from the bottom up) a layer of mayonnaise and ketchup mixed together, lettuce, bacon, thin beef steak, ham, tomato, mozzarella, fried egg, roasted red pepper, green olives and fried onions. It isn’t an exaggeration to say that this may be one of the best sandwiches I ever had and that Uruguayans are geniuses. This, along with the South Korean army stew, may be one of the tastiest main meals that I have made so far.

Dessert: Postre Chaj√°

Since I thought just making a sandwich would be a bit lazy (stupid me, this sandwich had a lot of moving parts!) I figured that I should come up with some sort of dessert – which appears to be the Uruguayan answer to pavlova. Albeit a pavlova that shares it’s name with a very odd looking bird.

To make this dessert (which came from a recipe from The Spruce Eats) you start with two layers of sponge cake that have been soaked in a homemade peach syrup. Between this you add whipped cream, crushed meringue, peach slices and a layer of dulce de leche. Then you cover the whole cake in whipped cream with peaches decorating the top and crushed meringue coating the circumference.

Now, I do not have a revolving cake stand, a palette knife or one of those cake spreaders. This makes decorating the cake a bit difficult around the sides, but I’m still happy with how it turned out. I was doubly happy with how good it tasted too. Sure, some of the peaches weren’t perfectly ripe (which made them a bitch to peel), but it was a sweet and moist cake that reminded me why ‘peaches and cream’ is a thing. Honestly, I prefer this to pavlova.

In this world cooking voyage, Uruguay may have found itself as one of those highlight nations that future entries are going to be compared to. The sandwich was amazing and yet the cake never felt overshadowed by what came before it. I wonder how the next country, which will be European… but that’s all I know now, will fare against what came before.

What’s On TV – Dekalog

List Item:  Watch half of the 1001 TV Series You Must Watch Before You Die
Progress: 213/501
List Item:¬†Watch all of the ‚Äú1001 Movies You Must See Before You Die‚ÄĚ
Progress: 695/1007Title: Dekalog
Director: Krzysztof KieŇõlowski
Episodes Aired: 10
Year(s): 1989-1990
Country: Poland

Between the 1001 TV Series and the 1001 Movies list there are three points of cross-over:¬†Riget,¬†Das Boot¬†and¬†Dekalog.¬†I have waited a long time before watching Dekalog¬†for, as a ten hour long miniseries, it is a fairly big undertaking for the movie list. If it was not for it’s placement on the TV list, I probably would have ended up watching this towards the end. Thankfully, that did not happen.

A few years ago I watched¬†La Double Vie de V√©ronique¬†and was completely blown away, yet again, by the work of¬†Krzysztof KieŇõlowski. It’s a film that still haunts me, with¬†Zbigniew Preisner’s exemplary soundtrack being something I listen to with some regularity. What I did not realise, before watching¬†Dekalog, was how a minor character in episode nine influenced the production of, what is now, one of my favourite films.

Needless to say, Dekalog had a lot to live up to going in and it just smashed my expectations.

Let’s back up a bit.¬†Dekalog¬†is a ten-part miniseries formed of standalone episodes that are each inspired by one of the Ten Commandments. Some are more tenuously linked than others, but there is this common thread running through it. Aside from being linked by this passage in the Bible, there are a number of things that the episodes have in common.

Most have a scene involving milk, most have¬†Artur BarciŇõ playing a silent character and the characters all reside in the same area of Warsaw. Also, the score for the entire miniseries is done by¬†Zbigniew Preisner – with Krzysztof KieŇõlowski directing and writing each episode (with Krzysztof Piesiewicz as a co-writer). With all of these throughlines it is clear that each episode belongs to the same collective, however they all manage to be incredibly different.

These differences are partially due to¬†KieŇõlowski having the genius idea of having different cinematographers work on each instalment (with Piotr SobociŇĄski taking on the duties twice). Thus each episode actually look different with their different choices in lighting and colour palate. For example, Dekalog: Seven has many sharp bursts of colour, whereas Dekalog: Five is remarkably bleak.

It would take me ages to break down each episode. Similarly this is one of those series where, if I am not careful, I could gush about the many different scenes that took my breath away. However, I do want to make reference to some of them and, for some, the symbolism that they linked to.

  • The split ink pot from Dekalog: One – it’s a small thing, but it was a powerful moment showing how logic can be defied by random chance – which was the crux of this episode.
  • The climbing bee from Dekalog: Two – this scene of a bee saving itself from drowning by climbing onto a spoon is one of the most beautifully symbolic scenes of resurrection that I have ever seen. I hope no bees died to get that shot.
  • The hanging and murder scenes from Dekalog: Five – the juxtaposition of these two moments are so incredibly powerful in this fantastic episode about the death penalty.
  • The final bathroom scene Dekalog: Six – a brutal scene in his story of obsessive love that just made me cry.
  • The cycling on the bridge scene from Dekalog: Nine – another heartbreaking moment that was just done so well.

Again I could continue to gush, but I want to end now by saying this is one of the best miniseries I have had the pleasure to watch. I will definitely be re-watching these at some point in the future and I really encourage anyone reading this to purchase the boxset and try them for yourself.